A week at the gym – One man’s story

 Dear Diary: For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress

MONDAY Started my day at 6:00am Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess – with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stairmonster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY: Her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men’s room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little cheerleading bitch. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the f*cking barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director.

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrill voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel

SUNDAY: I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the other bitch), will choose a gift for me that is fun – like a root canal or a vasectomy.

H/T to Theo

OK, so unless you live under a rock, you know that, today, California’s Supreme Court upheld the ban on Gay Marriage passed last year by the citizens of the state.

There are a couple of things that surprise me about this situation:

1. The majority of citizens in the MOST liberal state spoke, and chose to NOT allow the gay community to have the same rights as the straight community.

2. Some of the MOST conservative states in the country have chosen to allow the gay community to marry, and share the rights afforded to married couples.

3. A point raised by Megsie, marriage is a state-governed right, and shouldn’t be used as a way to discriminate. 

4. It amazes me that people scream about their rights bein infringed upon when they’re in the minority, but when they are in the ruling majority, there is no such concern.

I am not gay, nor do I subscribe to the views of the Religious Right in calling homosexuality an abomination. My personal thought, though,  regardless of what anyone says, is that homosexuality IS a choice.  That will be a very controversial opinion, and I’m OK with that.  However, please let me explain why I believe it to be the truth.

I FIRMLY believe that every person that has chosen homosexuality as a lifestyle has been a victim of sexual or emotional abuse. That abuse could have come from anywhere, but I believe that if you could get a large, random selection of homosexuals, both male and female, and could get them to be BRUTALLY honest, I think it would be unanimous. Abuse has occurred, in some form or another, during the developmental stages of life.

Regardless of whether you believe in Creationism or Evolution, one fact remains consistant between the 2. We are male and female for the specific purpose of procreation. With VERY few exceptions, homosexuality is almost purely a human condition. People just aren’t wired for same-sex partnerships. Therefore, if someone chooses homosexuality, there must have been something in their life that changed the way they are wired. But, let me be clear, regardless of wiring, it IS a choice to pursue same-sex partnerships.

Now, all of that being said, it surprises me that California, of all states, would vote to ban gay marriage. I’m sensing something afoot in CA. Maybe a shift from the left to the center. I don’t know, as I don’t live there, but it seems odd.

Anyway, glad to be back in the Blogosphere, after a lengthy absence due to lacking an opinion over anything of substance.

So, I got my 1st negative comment regarding my blog. What’s troubling is that the coward that posted this comment, posted it to my wife’s blog, not mine.

Here’s the comment, as written:

Anonymous April 21, 2009 at 8:19 pm

OK, I just don’t get the point of Twitter. Never really have. Perhaps I’m weird, or anti-social, (OK, we all know I’m BOTH….) but I don’t really give a shit what people are doing with most of their day. Nor do I believe anyone cares what I’m doing.

Furthermore, being on Twitter is akin to stalking, only in reverse.

Anyway, I found this video, and as absurd as it might seem, I could also be a preview of the next fad.

Flutter, the new Twitter

I saw this, and thought it was WAY funny!!

If Homer’s Odyssey Was Written On Twitter

 

The Religious Right and Pro-Lifers are at it again!!

Idaho’s Legislature is considering a bill that allows pharmacists in the state to deny prescribed medications to patients if the pharmacist is morally opposed to the purpose of the drug.

This is aimed at the “Plan B” pill, and can apply to birth control pills, as well.

While I am not a fan of abortion, and would not want someone in my life to have one, I don’t believe its appropriate to legislate morality.  As for Birth Control, that’s NEVER a bad idea, and considering some of the backward, red-neck idiots in this state, should almost be required.

Idaho is a conservative state (McCain won here!!), and the Mormon Church has a HUGE contingency in this state, with other Christian faiths making up another large percentage of the population. And, since our lawmakers are a cross-section of the populous, they create laws that appease the moral conscience of the majority. Right or wrong is not their consideration, nor is intelligent thought, since the have religious texts to tell them what to think.

Ugh!! It may be time to move to Oregon!!

OK, I saw this on the news, and figured with the latest craze over Twitter, it was worth posting.

I’m not sure which is funnier. What Steven Colbert said, or Meridith Viera’s admission at the end!!

As a layman, I need help in understanding what has happened to our political system.

Our politicians have become so sharply divided between Democrats/Republicans that they have left their common sense at the door. It seems that a lot of the political disagreements come about due to the party affiliations of those involved, and not because of any solid reasoning. Dems say X, so the GOP MUST say Y, and vice versa. And now, since we have a Democratic President and Congress, the GOP have no chance of getting anything from their agenda passed. A few years ago, the roles were reversed.

Why can’t we put idealogy and dogma aside, and just fix things? Why must the GOP sound like poor losers? Why do the Dems bully their way through things just because they have a majority?

IMHO, we need a truly Independant, Moderate President that doesn’t toe either party’s line, and that truly makes decisions based on his conscience and morals. Perhaps that would cause BOTH political parties to realize that we are in a changing world, and that neither side has all of the answers.

Found this on another blog I’ve recently started following. Funny guy!!

Thanks, Theo!!