A friend’s recent blog post inspired me to take a little trip down Memory Lane. It also caused me to take a look at my life, as it exists today. I’m not generally a fan of looking back, as there’s not much in my past that I care to re-visit. However, there are a few shining moments of happiness that still make me smile when remembered.

Nothing earth-shattering here, folks. Just the realization that the first two-thirds of my like absolutely sucked, for various reasons, mostly of my own doing. The lessons have been learned, and wherever possible, the details are forgotten.

At this point, life is GOOD. Thanks to all that have helped me discover that.

Well, Wifey moved back in last weekend. I couldn’t believe how quiet and lonely our home had become without her here. I will be the first to say that, as anti-social as I may appear, I recognize that I really do need people in my life in order to feel comfortable. For me, that’s quite a realization, as I have spent many years operating under the faulty belief that I am a man on an island, and didn’t need anyone. It’s nice to have her home, idiosyncracies and all.

Another recent development is that after a months-long absence, a dear and valuable friendship is now on the path to repair. I can’t elaborate on details except to say that we both fucked up, we both recognize it, and we both humbled ourselves in real apology. Again, it’s not fixed, but it’s on the mend.

School is going well. My Sociology class is AMAZING, and my professor is a FREAK!! My kind of class. Psychology and Anthropology are OK, albeit a little tough to keep up in. Thankfully, I’m not a student that would commit suicide if I fail to earn a 4.0 gpa. At this point, as long as I earn a respectable B, I’ll be JUST FINE!!

Finally, as a Welcome Home gift, I bought Wifey a Mini-Schnauzer puppy she had her eye on. Ever since we lost Maggie-Moo, Lala has had a hole in her soul that only a sweet little dog could fill, and boy, did she pick the PERFECT dog.

He is devastatingly cute, and has quickly wormed his way into our hearts. I’ll admit, it’s nice to have him around.

Anyway, Blogosphere, that’s all I have.

So, it’s been quite a year.  I am now in my second semester of college, having returned to Academia after an 18-year absence. I decided, after failing to find gainful employment, that perhaps getting my Accounting degree would be beneficial. So far, it’s been a rewarding and humbling experience. I’m also proud to say that the guy that BARELY graduated high school managed to earn a 3.2 gpa. Not too shabby!!

My classes this semester promise to challenge me. Not only in learning the material, but, in some cases, my very belief system. Sociology, Anthropology, and Psychology. I’m actually looking forward to the material in each class. I truly enjoy thinking and learning, so these classes will offer me an opportunity to get in my head, and shake things up. I promise to share any Earth-shattering nuggets of wisdom I manage to glean. I’ll also throw in healthy amounts of subjective observation, for good measure.

Finally, on a much more personal note, Wifey & I managed to avoid divorce, and have decided that we love each other far too much to let our marriage fail.

Long story short, we have issues, like all couples do. We weren’t working on fixing them, so we mutually decided to end our misery, and Wifey moved out. However, we didn’t stop speaking to each other, nor did we hate each other, as so many couples do while in a similar situation. No, instead, we opened the lines of HONEST communication. We both humbly listened to the other’s perspectives, and laid out clear expectations so we could each see what we needed to fix. Now, I’ll publicly state that I have far more to fix than she does. Of course, anyone that knows me has already known this is the truth.  Nevertheless, we both want to see our marriage work, so with some patience and effort, I believe we’ll pull through this, and be much stronger on the other side. As of this writing, Wifey intends to move back home in a week or so.

So, loyal readers, this is what’s been going on in my life. In the whole scope of life in this big world, it’s not much. However, in the microcosm that is MY life, it’s all pretty huge!!

 This was inevitable

 Dear Diary: For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress

MONDAY Started my day at 6:00am Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess – with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stairmonster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY: Her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men’s room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little cheerleading bitch. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the f*cking barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director.

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrill voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel

SUNDAY: I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the other bitch), will choose a gift for me that is fun – like a root canal or a vasectomy.

H/T to Theo

There are a couple of things that surprise me about this situation:

1. The majority of citizens in the MOST liberal state spoke, and chose to NOT allow the gay community to have the same rights as the straight community.

2. Some of the MOST conservative states in the country have chosen to allow the gay community to marry, and share the rights afforded to married couples.

3. A point raised by Megsie, marriage is a state-governed right, and shouldn’t be used as a way to discriminate. 

4. It amazes me that people scream about their rights bein infringed upon when they’re in the minority, but when they are in the ruling majority, there is no such concern.

I am not gay, nor do I subscribe to the views of the Religious Right in calling homosexuality an abomination. My personal thought, though,  regardless of what anyone says, is that homosexuality IS a choice.  That will be a very controversial opinion, and I’m OK with that.  However, please let me explain why I believe it to be the truth.

I FIRMLY believe that every person that has chosen homosexuality as a lifestyle has been a victim of sexual or emotional abuse. That abuse could have come from anywhere, but I believe that if you could get a large, random selection of homosexuals, both male and female, and could get them to be BRUTALLY honest, I think it would be unanimous. Abuse has occurred, in some form or another, during the developmental stages of life.

Regardless of whether you believe in Creationism or Evolution, one fact remains consistant between the 2. We are male and female for the specific purpose of procreation. With VERY few exceptions, homosexuality is almost purely a human condition. People just aren’t wired for same-sex partnerships. Therefore, if someone chooses homosexuality, there must have been something in their life that changed the way they are wired. But, let me be clear, regardless of wiring, it IS a choice to pursue same-sex partnerships.

Now, all of that being said, it surprises me that California, of all states, would vote to ban gay marriage. I’m sensing something afoot in CA. Maybe a shift from the left to the center. I don’t know, as I don’t live there, but it seems odd.

Anyway, glad to be back in the Blogosphere, after a lengthy absence due to lacking an opinion over anything of substance.

Here’s the comment, as written:

Anonymous April 21, 2009 at 8:19 pm

Furthermore, being on Twitter is akin to stalking, only in reverse.

Anyway, I found this video, and as absurd as it might seem, I could also be a preview of the next fad.

Flutter, the new Twitter

If Jesus Christ was on Facebook, it would look like this [original source  unknown].  This is pretty darn funny – even on Holy Week.  Sorry if this is irreverent but too good not to share – especially because it’s funny and most of it is pretty bibically accurate.  Some highlights:

• Jesus has 777,777,777,777 fans.
• The Disciples wrote on Peter’s wall:  So, Jesus told us to walk up ot people we don’t know, and basically steal their colt and donkey…  This is sketchy, don’t you think???
• The High Priests have created a group:  How to Use the Temple for piety  AND profit.
• The High Priests have given Judas a gift:  30 pieces of Silver.

You can check out it out HERE.

If Homer’s Odyssey Was Written On Twitter